Cats vs Ageing. A Salute to Peri-Menopausal Women

The onset of menopause has been a hot (ha ha, hot, get it....'hot') subject amongst my peers over the last year or so.  We are all frustrated, tired and over it, and also horrified when we hear how long it can go on for.  The ones that have made it through to the other side look down on us with a special gloating that can only be expressed by a woman that has endured years of hot flushes, mood swings and deplorable changes to her body.

In salute to these women and myself - a club that half the population has belonged to, will belong to or currently belongs to - I thought a comparison to cats might help.  It might not either.  Go have a wine if it doesn't.  That does help.  I even got my doctor to tell me that.

1.  The Sweet, Sweet Satisfaction of Being an Asshole  Cats are assholes and as women, a lot of us spend a lot of time trying to please everyone and generally not be an asshole.  I've found with ageing that I actually really don't care that much what people think of me, and am much less tolerant of putting up with people's bullshit.  I am learning to embrace my inner asshole (maybe I should have tried harder to re-phrase that, it sounds nasty) just like my cats.  They seem happy enough, it must be okay.

2.  Choose Between Your Face or Your Bum  I have never yet, in all of my years, seen any animal, including cats, care about the size of their derriere.  They care about the size of their meal, the size of the fur-siblings meals, and the size of their beds (dogs) / boxes (cats), but not their bodies.  I once heard the saying that as women age, they need to decide if they want their bum or their face to look better - you can't have both.  If you are skinny and have little fat, all of the wrinkles and 'fairy dust' are accentuated and you can look haggard and older than you are.  If you have a larger sitting position, your face and wrinkles are plumped out nicely and you look younger than your years.  I have chosen my face (actually I didn't choose, my bum chose for me).  Now Purrkins and I will sit on the lounge and have a snack, congratulating ourselves on how fantastic we look.  Because everyone likes a fat-faced feline.

Fat Cat Confidence

3.  Do What YOU Want....Within Reason  Anyone that owns a cat knows that they pretty much do what they want when they want.  Again, they look pretty happy, right?  A lot of the responsibilities that we had when we were younger (children, trying to establish ourselves, etc) are no longer relevant.  Sure, we still have to be good people - basically (read #1 again) - but we can now focus more on what we want and what floats our boat.  Fortunately cats float my boat, so it's a mutually agreeable situation.  They also follow this principal - cats do pretty much what they want, but they still know who fills the food bowl, so they don't screw that up if they can help it.

4.  Dance Around the House and Forget About Anyone That is Watching  Some evenings I'm pretty sure my cats are possessed.  The start off by standing in the middle of the room and suddenly get this great attack of crazies and start chasing shadows.  Up and down the hall, up and down the wall, up and down my leg...there is no limit.  Watching them, you aren't quite sure if they are having a seizure or have some weird flea infestation.  It seems to be all in fun and before you know it, it's over.  They look at you with challenging eyes as if to say 'What??', find a warm spot, groom themselves and fall into a satisfied sleep.  We need to do that more.

 

5.  Hot Flushes  Cats like to lie in the sunny patch, we get hot flushes.  I know, I was reaching a bit on that one.

6.  Go Away - Come Back I Love You  Irritability and mood swings are another joy of this time of life.  I never knew the rage that I could be generated by someone just breathing.  Don't get me started on audible chewing.  I am positive that a jury would give me a high five for murdering a loud chewer.  Cats are a bit like this.  You can be petting them while they are upside down on your lap, all sweet with love and affection, and the next thing - BAM! - teeth sinking into flesh.  Or you can be quietly minding your own business walking through your own house and - BAM! - a little fat furry missile with pointy daggers on the feet jabs at your leg and disappears.  You need to be able to read the signs with cats and back away when their body language lets you know that the tides have changed.  Just like you need to do with a peri-menopausal woman. Just back away.  Slowly.  And it's preferable that you offer up a glass of wine and chocolates.