Friday Follies - Is This The Inspiration I Need?

Warning, this is not my usual type of blog as I feel the need to rant.  Female issues are involved, so if you are squeamish, you should bail now.

I may be out of line, but I don't think it's appropriate to have inspirational life messages printed on the wrappers of my feminine hygiene products.  Period.  Ha ha.

Where's my pina colada?

To be told that I need to "find myself' or that "dreams happen" or that I should "care for those you love" or that I need to "be amazing" to "make it happen" is just wrong, wrong, wrong. Having the monthly puberty fairy visit me is not me at my best.  Personally, I would like to "find myself" on a tropical desert island with Channing Tatum holding a frosty glass of Pina Colada up to my thirsty, trembling lips.  Or perhaps to make the "dream happen" someone could tell me how I could possibly make a living out of cuddling cute little kittens with jellybean toes (the kitten's toes, not my toes of course).  I'm already amazing, so I'm not sure what that's about, but I can "make it happen" with more money, less days at work and a smaller bum.

Jelly Bean Toes

Clearly it's that time of the month

Which brings me to feminine product commercials and advertising.  I and my fellow uterus owners have used several of these products over the years, and while I have learned to ride a horse, ride a bike, play volleyball on the beach, etc., I am not proficient at these activities as promised by the experts.  However, I have never sky-dived and never wish to, but if I did, a panty liner may come in handy for obvious reasons, so I'll give the marketing gurus that one.  And no, I don't feel like going out dancing when Auntie Flo is knocking at my abdomen, so don't make it look like a good thing with those young actor girls prancing about in 4 inch heels and micro-minis.

As young girls we are told that we will blossom into womanhood in our teens.  Who the heck thought up that horrible analogy?  That implies that our menstrual cycle defines us as a woman, which therefore implies that once it inevitably (and happily) ends, we are no longer woman.  Do we blossom into non-womanhood at menopause, or does this amazing flower wither and die, rendering the rest of the plant useless, ugly and dead?  Well I don't think so. All of the women I know at this stage of life have great lives - travelling, enjoying grandchildren, doing things because they choose to, not because they have to.  And why do girls always have to have flower analogies?  I tried to think up a good truck analogy for periods but sadly I failed.  I blame a lack of wine.

If there are any marketing people out there, let's get real about feminine hygiene products.  If you feel that we need to spend our precious time reading the wrapping because we have nothing better to do with our lives, here are some suggestions:

Thanks Liam

"You are amazing, go eat more chocolate."

"Like wine, you improve with age.  Raise a glass in celebration. (it helps with cramps too)."

"I know you're feeling irritable, but please don't punch your husband in the face, he really does love you."

and

"This too, shall pass."

Oh what a fun adventure us chicks get to go on!  Good thing we drag the guys along for the ride.

PS.  I will be having a short hiatus from my blog while we go on holidays, but I'll be back at it in a week.