Friday Follies - Working 9 to 5

Junior High School was definitely not a stellar time in my life.  I was awkward, desperate to fit in, had low self esteem, and embarrassed that I did well in school. (You've seen the pictures, you can see what I'm getting at....). I tried to make sure that I was not noticed by sitting in the middle / towards the back of class, didn't raise my hand to answer questions, and tried not to do too well on exams (while still doing well because I couldn't help myself).  I did have some good friends, and endeavoured to make people laugh so that they would like me, so I wasn't completely hopeless.  But I really didn't like to stand out or be noticed.  There was some bullying, but I had enough friends so that it wasn't debilitating...we'll call it 'character building' (thanks Dad!).

With this knowledge, you would think that certain school activities and assignments would cause me great anxiety.  They mostly did, but for some reason, if I had to get up at the front of the class and get a laugh, I was okay.

I can't remember if it was Grade 7 or 8, but in one of my classes we were given the assignment of creating and presenting an advertisement.   This could be presented in any way that we liked (picture boards, pamphlets, etc).  After much thought, I decided that my product was going to be a family car - practical and reliable.

With my thinking cap tightly on, I devised what approach I would take to this assignment.  It wasn't going to be a poster, or a pamphlet, or product packaging....boring! It was going to present a TV ad.  And not only was it an ad, it was an ad with a jingle (anyone even remotely acquainted with me will know that what I lack in singing talent, I make up for in volume.  Think Florence Foster Jenkins without the money or great outfits).

A school staple

The Dolly Parton movie '9 to 5' was released during this time - 1980 to be exact - and it became the source of my inspiration.  The theme song was very catchy and always on the radio, and if you are going to impersonate someone, Dolly Parton was pretty good material!  Not that I could do her voice justice, but again, volume people, volume.  I gathered together that age old staple of school - coloured construction paper - and created large black false eyelashes (I could barely hold my eyelids open), long talon-like red paper false nails, and of course, I stuffed some cushions into my sadly deficient décolletage.  Nothing screams Dolly like a buxom chest, especially in those days before the proliferation of breast enhancement surgery.  For the life of me, I have no idea what I did about the hair...more construction paper perhaps? 

There I was, adorned in true over-the-top country fashion, the centre of attention at the front of my class, all eyes upon me (some supportive, some sniggering, most having a giggle with me).  I began my ditty, sung to the tune of '9 to 5'.

"Working 9 to 5, I just really need this car,

It's the best thing for my whole happy family.

I use this car and it never gives me trouble,

It's so good that I really want another."

Okay, I only sung the chorus, but good effort I think.  There was more involved with my act, but that part of my memory really has left my grey matter for good.  But I can still remember that chorus, even though these days remembering exactly why I am in the kitchen is a challenge. 

I achieved my goal - I got applause, was awarded a good mark for the assignment and only humiliated myself a little bit in the pursuit of a laugh.  As it should be.

PS  I still like changing the lyrics to songs, and often use my pets as inspiration.  Purrkins has his own song, sung to the tune of 'Copacabana'.  I think my ever-suffering husband enjoys my renditions - at least that's what he tells me to my face - and he will continue to if he wants a happy marriage.

 

Mission Accomplished!