Battle of the Beds

Who said sharing is caring?

If there is one thing that is consistent in this house, it is the Battle of the Beds. It is most important to ensure that you are on the 'best' bed in the house if you are of the four-legged variety.  The 'best' is not always the same, and can change without notice.  I don't know what the criteria for the best bed is, nor am I aware of the algorithms used to calculate how often it should change, but I do know that it is very important.

The dogs each have an extra-large memory foam bed that takes up half of the living room.  Not only do they get to lay their massive bodies on memory foam, they also get to snuggle into a single bed quilt each.  Now I admit, this is more for my convenience than theirs, as the dogs seem to always be filthy, and it is easier to wash the quilts every week than take the covers off the beds and wrestle them back on (with associated swear words and grunts).  The cats have a smaller dog bed that they have taken over, a cat tree plus every piece of furniture in the house.  The humans slot in as necessary.

King Clawde - Smallest Pet, Biggest Bed.
I think Chamois lost this round.

Normally each dog has a preferred bed, but Chamois (who is a  head-strong, stubborn cow if truth be told) decides that Manu's bed is her preferred bed, no matter what bed he is on.  When the dogs are let in, it is sometimes a race to see who gets the 'preferred' bed.  Sometimes Manu wins as Chamois (did I mention she was stubborn) decides that she won't come in at your request, but would prefer to wait until you are once again comfortable on the lounge, snuggled into the pillows watching your favourite show.  Manu will promptly fall into a noisy snore-fest, looking comfortable and serene, eyes rolled back into his head and excess skin pooling around his neck.  Chamois will walk in, look at him, well, stare at him, until he slowly opens one eye.  He can feel that dog staring, using her will to wake him up and get him to move.  Sometimes 'the look' is enough (she's a girl, she has known how to do 'the look' from birth), and Manu gets up with a sigh to relocate to the other bed - which is exactly the same to my eye, but what do I know. 

If this tried and true method doesn't work, she ramps it up a bit and sticks a paw on him.  Not in an aggressive way, just to let him know that she's there.  Much like Freddy Krueger pops out of the ceiling to let you know he's there.  Once in awhile, Manu will dig in and pretend to ignore her.  This will prompt Chamois to be a little less subtle and plonk her derriere next to him on the bed, and just slowly, slowly nudge over until she has left him with little room.  I can attest to the efficacy of this manoeuvre - she uses this on us too if she is up on the bed during a thunderstorm (yeah, she's not so tough).  Again, Manu will get up with a sigh and move to the other bed.  He may be moved again later too, depending on Chamois' mood.


Sometimes there is another factor in the bed equation, and that's the cat.  Clawde loves the dog beds too, even though he is a fraction of their size, he likes to fill as much space as possible.  I'd just like to point out that no one dares to move Clawde off a bed.  Manu will always be the one without, as Chamois will take the other bed, and Manu will lie on the floor with his sad eyes, looking between the cat and us, as if to say 'Hey, can you please fix this for me.  Please?'


Battle lost

We are currently dog-sitting Mabel, so now there are 3 dogs competing.  Manu almost always ends up on the small bed because Mabel is female too, and well, you know....



Technically, sleeping on human, not on lounge



Unfortunately, Mabel has become accustomed to sleeping on the furniture at my house, which in turn has made Chamois decide that this is a great idea (which has been reinforced by another dog that we dog-sit), much to the detriment of my lounges.  I try and resolve this by creating an impenetrable barricade of kitchen stools, etc, piled onto the lounge, but she sometimes still manages to find a way.  I've given up trying to cure Mabel of this habit, and now give in and put an old blanket on the ottoman, which she scrunches up to create a nest anyway.  Sigh...

Sweet!

Of course, the cats are not immune to this type of behaviour (they are assholes after all, it's in their DNA), and Purrkins will often jump on Clawde and bite him if he wants to be where Clawde is.  It does depend on moods though, as I will see them curled up together like the Yin Yang symbol, sweet as can be.  They do actually love each other very much and are quite bonded.

Yin Yang, sort of

And last, but not least, the humans.  It's not unusual for me to walk in to the living room and see Shawn in a contorted position on the lounge, not in his usual spot, trying to play X-Box.  Beside him is a cat, curled up into a tiny ball but somehow taking up more space than Kim Kardashian's butt.  Shawn just gives me a pained look, knowing that his place in the pecking order has once again been reinforced.

For all of the antics and the constant battles, I know that we could have 20 dog beds and 571 places for the cats to sleep and this behaviour would still continue.  As long as I have my place, and Purrkins and Clawde continue to view my lap as one of their favourite spots to sleep and snuggle (or on my face in Purrkins' case), then I'm pretty happy. 

 

I think Clawde is happy too.  I wish I could
relax that much.