What If The Pet Was in Charge of Christmas?

Christmas is such a magical time of year, inspired by tradition, family and friends.  But have you ever wondered what the festive season would be like if your cat or dog was in charge of it all?  Well I have, but only because my mind works in weird and mysterious ways...please don't question it, it is what it is.

Purrkins might not be the best candidate.

What if my Cat was in Charge of Christmas?

Cats, we love them, but let's face it, they have attitude.  Lots of attitude. 

The first thing Cat would do would be to change the name from Christmas to Catmas.  Cat's were worshipped by the Egyptions, and quite frankly, they don't understand why it would be any different now.  Christmas should be all about cats.  During Catmas, it would be mandatory for each household to decorate at least two full size Christmas Trees, preferably more.  These trees should be covered in lots of fun, dangly ornaments, ready to be batted off any time.  Boughs are spaced out in a manner that makes climbing easy and accessible.  Tinsel will be prevalent, but not so much so that it impedes progress up the tree trunk for the prize at the top.  Trees will also be wobbly enough to be knocked over, but not too wobbly - these things shouldn't come easily.

Do you like my beard

The base of the trees will be filled with gifts, such as dead mice and birds, and the odd cat toy infused with catnip.  For that child that has been really, really good all year, a hairball will be coughed up, preferably in an area where it is not seen until it is stepped on in the middle of the night, creating squishy goodness between the toes.

Cat Santa would be the bearer of these hairballs, as he grooms his long beard and fur trimmings on his suit and hat.  He would descend the chimney with great aplomb, always landing on his feet.  On the odd occasion that his landing did not go completely to plan, he would jump up quickly, look around to make sure no one saw, and have a quick groom to reassure himself.  Cat Santa is nothing if not cool, and must maintain this image.

The traditional milk and cookies are welcomed by Cat Santa.  He would save the milk for last as it is his favourite, and kindly knock the glass to the ground when he is finished.  Again, a little grooming session would be his reward for all of his hard work.

Clawde would make an excellent Santa.

Cat Santa photos and the shopping centre will be lots and lots of fun.  He would greet the children with a meow and a purr, and allowing his lap to be sat upon for exactly 6.345 seconds, before latching his razor-like claws into an arm or leg and biting, all the while his dilated pupils watching for any reaction.  The humans would continue to line up to do this as they love their cats and are determined to show that Cat Santa really DOES love them.  He doesn't...or at least he doesn't show it.

What if my Dog was in Charge of Christmas?

Dogmas would be a very special time of year.  If you thought Santa loved you, Dog Santa would love you one hundred percent more.  He'd scramble down the chimney making an awful noise, while ensuring that as much soot as possible was caught up in his fur, before shaking it off on the hearth, coating everything in a black dust.  He would be torn whether to go for the cookies and milk first or to bound into the bedroom to greet you (which, strictly speaking, goes against the Santa Policy of never being caught in the house).  Of course, the cookies would win, and Dog Santa would heartily gulp down the cookies before slurping the milk, making a terrible mess and keeping just a bit of it for later on his beard.

Happy Santa!

Once the snack was completed, Dog Santa would have to give you a big lick on your face to wake you up.  This is a bit unfortunate as Dog Santa had an earlier snack of reindeer poop.  Hopefully the cookies and milk washed all of that nastiness away.

A quick trot back to the living room to chew on the corners of the gifts and maybe water the on the tree to make sure that everyone knew he was there.  After all, trees have a special place in a dog's heart.

Shopping Centre Dog Santa would be much more of a hit than Cat Santa.  Everyone would get lots of kisses, and Dog Santa would spend a lot of his time on his back getting belly rubs.  While he would tell all of the girls and boys that they were good, in the back of his mind he would always need reassurance that HE was the good boy.

Manu is a good Christmas boy.

So Meowy Christmas from Cat Santa, and have a Barky New Year from Dog Santa!