If You Don't Ask, You Won't Receive - Dogged Determination

Anyone that has pets knows that they soon train you to understand what they want.  Some ways are subtle, some not so much.  Some you understand right away, some take some 'training' on the part of your pet. (Please note, this blog is rife with anthropomorphism, as usual.)

I would like to say that Manu, my sensitive soul, is usually easy to understand, but sometimes I cannot interpret his looks.  Things like standing or sitting and staring at the door with great concentration are very obvious, and clearly he wants out.  Although sometimes if one of us is out for the evening or away for a few days, he spends a lot of time looking wistfully out the door, wondering when the member of his beloved family will return....and why, oh why, do they always leave him.  After all these years we are still trying to get through his thick head that we always come back and that we would never, ever abandon him.  One day he might actually believe it.

Manu is also very obvious about his needs when it is close to his dinner time.  It usually starts at least one hour before his usual dinner time, and involves staring at us with tail wagging in hope.  If we tell him to go away as it is clearly too early, the dejection is obvious as he finds a place to lay down while staring sadly with those big brown eyes.  Any body movement on our part is a signal that this may, indeed, be the actual dinner time.  When we do head in the right direction, there is much dancing on big fat mastiff paws, tail wagging and sometimes some enthusiastic howling.  I like the howling the best - his pursed and wrinkled muzzle and extended neck (flopping extra skin and all) - is pretty cute.

At other times, Manu just looks at us with a worried look on his face - nothing is obviously wrong, but who knows what goes on his brain.  Maybe he feels he's not close enough to us and wants to get in our skin, just like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs....

Manu = Buffalo Bill (a bit obsessed)

That's pretty much Manu's repertoire - as long as he is with us and/or touching us, he wants for nothing.   If you are ignoring him a bit, you get hit with that hammer of a paw.

Does this mean Chamois is technically a lap dog?

Chamois is a different kettle of fish (or dog...bad analogy but I couldn't think of a good dog one).  She does all of the usual things like asking to go out, but she adds other ways of communicating into the mix.  Sometimes to make sure she has your attention, she will quietly put her head on you, and then press down forcefully.  She does this to me in the middle of the night when she wants to go out, and I am either deeply asleep or refusing to let her out because I know she's going to bark at something.  She presses harder and harder, usually on my arm or sometimes on my neck if I'm turned away from her.  Which is what I usually do as I get a blast of doggy breath panted enthusiastically, full-force into my face.  If I continue to ignore her, she starts muttering and making all of these groaning, whinging sounds.  It's so annoying that I just want her to go away and end up doing her bidding.

Chamois has studied this technique.

The other times when Chamois wants something - you can tell that her thick Bull Arab brain is figuring out how to manipulate the system - is when she wants up on the bed.  The dogs aren't allowed on the furniture.  This works for Manu as physically he can't get himself up there.  This doesn't work for Chamois as she is stubborn, wilful and manages to get what she wants, ignoring any disciplinary measures that we may take.  Female dogs are called bitches for a reason, folks.

Chamois will walk into the bedroom with a very specific gait - I can't describe it, but I know it.  The tail wags at half measure, telegraphing her intent, while the little sides of her mouth turn up slightly, wrinkling at the corners.  There is a distinct twinkle in her eye - I think she knows that she'll get her way once again.  Damn her!  She looks at the bed, she looks in your eyes, she looks at the bed, she looks in her eyes, and then one paw gently rests on the bed, and the tail picks up its tempo, ever so slightly.  Before the word 'yes' can escape your lips, the happy pant / smile takes over her face and she hauls her big old butt up onto the bed and flops down with a triumphant grunt.  And Chamois wins  yet again.

Is there a storm coming?

Chamois also uses her growl / groan / whinge talk when she really, really needs to come back into the house.  This is often her pre-warning system of a storm coming (she normally alerts us at least an hour before the storm hits), fireworks or gunshots in the neighbourhood, or just because she really, really wants in.  Really.  And.....we haul ourselves off the couch to let her in.  Suckers! 

Upside down Manu

 

Upside down Chamois

Cuddles and belly rubs can be elicited by laying upside down, staring and slowly wagging the tail.  Ignoring these signals can cause her to growl at you.  You're never sure if that was a growl you heard at the edge of your hearing, because she doesn't move at all, just looks at you.  Continued ignoring of this growling causes it to increase in volume and ending with a higher pitched yip.  Too cute, I'm afraid, and it usually ends up with one of us laying on the floor with her for what we call a 'puppy pile-up'.  All dogs then come over and flop down for cuddles, kisses and some general loving.

Every dog we've ever had has found ways to get what they want.  I'm never sure who trains who, or if you just grow into a mutual understanding over time.  It's probably like marriage - eventually you figure out what the other one wants.

Hmmmm?

Friday Follies - Isn't it Iron-ic?

Haemochromatosis.  Do you have it?  Chances are you do, or someone that you know does.  It's a genetic disorder that is prevalent in those with an English, Scottish or Irish background, which means that Canada and Australia have a high incidence of people with iron overload.

I've known for years that I have this disorder because I was tested after Mum was diagnosed with it.  We absorb too much iron from our diets instead of absorbing the right amount like 'normal' people do.  No one ever accused my family of being normal, that's for sure!

It's really no big deal as you navigate through your life - it doesn't really affect too much.  But after years of extra iron, it accumulates in your organs and joints, and can eventually cause death.  Yikes, death is not a good side effect, if you ask me. The other side effects aren't that great either - liver damage or cancer, heart disease, diabetes, endocrine and sexual dysfunction and arthritis.  The effects are broad, and can look like other problems, so it is essential that you are genetically tested for this disorder, especially if someone in your family has it.

Just some of the problems you can get.

The symptoms are pretty vague too - fatigue (I know, you always think you are low in iron if you have no energy, but too much iron has the same effect.  Trust me...), weakness, lethargy, joint pain (that's a wacky one - I get pain in my fingers and toes when my iron and ferritin saturation levels get high), mood swings, impaired memory, irritability and depression (sounds like peri-menopause to me....I am so very lucky to have all of these things to point fingers at).  If left untreated, you can have bronzing of the skin and organ failure.  I just had a venesection and felt like I had the flu before as I had let my levels get too high, and now I feel like a million bucks a few days after.  It does make a difference.  Another few days and my joint pain almost fully go away....until my iron gets high again.

For women, symptoms often don't show until later in life - this is about the only good thing a period is for - getting rid of iron.  And it's a bonus for those of us that weren't going to use our female organs for the traditional reasons.  If only they figured out a way for me to have kittens.....but I digress.

Oh, yes please!

Fortunately it's all very treatable.  I go for regular blood tests to monitor my iron levels with a thorough iron study (iron, serum ferritin, ferritin saturation and transferrin...sometimes my iron levels are normal, but the other levels are high) and then I have venesection (also known as phlebotomy) every 3-5 months. Venesection is just a fancy term  for taking out your blood.  I suppose in the olden days they would use leeches.  Or vampires.

Thank goodness I don't have to do this!

Treatment is easy....so you would think. Unless you have a problem with having your blood taken.

When I first gave blood through Red Cross in Canada, I had an adverse reaction - I fainted and had a small seizure.  I came to with four faces staring down at me, an utter feeling of panic in my chest and the rock solid feeling that I had peed my pants.  I hadn't, but it felt like it.  Everyone else donating was staring too - so much for keeping a low profile.

I was informed at the time that it was probably best if I did not donate blood as my body doesn't handle it very well.  No worries, I can give it a miss if I have to.

Fast forward a few years to my mother's diagnosis of haemochromatosis and the recommendation that I get tested.  And of course I had it.  I take after my mother in SO many ways, this was just one more to add to the list.  At the time my iron levels were normal, so it was recommended that I only monitor my blood and not worry about anything else.

I'm not sure the Customs Officials would have this sense of humour.

Once I moved to Australia, it was then recommended that I start regular maintenance venesection to ensure that no damage could occur.  I won't lie, I wasn't happy and did relate my bad experience to my doctor.  Sadly, this adult had to take her mummy with her to her first venesection to hold her hand.  The doctor that I had was very good and it was decided that I would have a less than standard amount of blood removed.  All good, my body seemed to handle that.

Every drop counts

I always considered it to be a waste that my blood (which is Type O) was not used.  The Red Cross changed their rules over the years to allow those with haemochromatosis to donate.  This was a good move as it is a regular supply of blood from a large population.  However, Red Cross told me that they would only take the standard amount.  I loaded up on fluids and food before I went and seemed to manage for the first couple of times.  Then I almost fainted.  And the next time I did pass out (and had to relive the joy of waking up with faces peering down at me and everyone else staring wide-eyed while I scrambled to check if I had peed my pants....I did not.).  After the staff made several phone calls to the powers that be, I was told that it was best if I did not come back.  Bugger.  So back I go to a pathology lab that does the procedure and my blood gets disposed of.

Or Iron Woman

All jokes aside, it can be debilitating for those that have not been diagnosed, and often frequent venesections (once or more per week) need to be done to get the iron levels back in a normal range.  This can suck all the energy out of your body while the iron stores are dropped to below normal levels. It is much better to be diagnosed early when you can treat it and avoid the damage to your body.  If you are going to get a genetic disorder, this is definitely one of the better ones to have, in my opinion.  Easily treatable and damage can be avoided.  Can't ask for more than that (unless I go back to the kitten thing, but I get told I bring that up much too often...sigh!).

More gratuitous kittens

It's just ironic that something that is supposed make you strong can kill you.  Obviously Popeye did not have haemochromatosis.

Hopefully Popeye didn't have haemochromatosis

Get tested....no one should suffer harm from this disorder.  And if you want more information, please see the very helpful links below.

https://www.toomuchiron.ca/

https://haemochromatosis.org.au/

Who's (Not) a Brave Dog?

I always hope that if I ever need help or am in trouble that my dogs will protect me.  Not that I ever worry too much - if someone has the guts to come into our yard with our two extra large dogs, they are welcome to take their chances.

I'm reasonably confident that Chamois will protect me.  She may come across as aloof, but I've seen her protective side with our property or with the cats, so I can see that she has the potential to protect me.  Manu?  Well, Manu is another story.

Even if I'm not brave, I'm still cute.

He's been a scaredy-cat since we got him, although with much patience and understanding, he is much, much better than he used to be.  But he still can't tolerate yelling or aggressive voices.  It sends the poor boy into a spin and he usually leaves the room to hide.  We then spend the next half hour coaxing him out and reassuring him that we were actually yelling at the cat AGAIN and that he is indeed a very good boy, and we love him very much.

Still, in the back of my mind, I have held out hope that if someone was threatening or attacking me, he would step up and use his intimidating size to protect me.  But alas, an incident this weekend leads me to believe that he will leave me to look after myself.

Shawn was walking out the back through the laundry when he yelled out for me to get him the insect spray.  He couldn't get it himself as he had to keep his eye on a massive huntsman spider.  We all know what happens if you turn your back on them - they skittle away and you have no idea where they have gone.  If you continue to watch them, they stay where they are.

How I deal with spiders.

I quickly got the spray and was taking it to him when I heard his raised voice and see a mop dancing in the air.  He had pre-empted my arrival and tried to squash it with a mop.  The spider - rightly so - was having none of that and made its escape.

Unfortunately its escape was to run down the wall with its many hairy legs and make a break for it down the hall.  Down the hall towards me.  I screamed (okay, I squealed like a 5 year old girl if I'm honest).  And not once, possibly several times. Well, not possibly.  Several times okay, I screamed in a high pitched voice several times.  It was running AT me. Probably with intent.

Then it zigged and zagged and went under a shelving unit.  I directed a spray in its general direction, threw the spray at Shawn and promptly jumped up onto the nearest piece of soft furnishing.  If I look at it logically, the spider could have climbed up the couch, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.  After more thumping about, swearing and spraying, the spider was dealt with.  And I'm sorry, I know we shouldn't kill them, but the thought of a spider drinking out of my mouth while I'm sleeping or running across my body is too much to bear.  So was my screaming, as it turns out.

I thought my squeals had a definite distress factor to them, not the silly screams you make when you muck around.  I thought maybe, just maybe, my distress would prompt my dog to at least come and check on me and make sure I was okay.  But no, it was not so.

It was huge!

Manu made a dash to hide between the dining table and the wall, trying to make himself small and safe.  Poor guy, he just can't deal with the stress of it all.

Chamois, on the other hand, didn't move off her bed and barely opened an eye.  I can always count on her to not care.
After my heart rate returned to normal and the smell of insect spray dissipated from the air, I spent some time telling Manu that he was safe, and that I would always look after him.  I'm not sure he believed me.

Deep down, I still think he'd have my back when it really counts.  If not, I'll know where to find him.

Manu - what he lacks in braveness, he makes up for with love.

Friday Follies - Wham! Bam! Scam!

Scammers seem to be getting more and more bold and pervasive.  You would think that with all of the alerts in the news and continuous education of the public, they would give up and go home, but nope.  They are still there and still playing their little games.  They aren't little games though, and they cost people millions of dollars every year, not to mention the embarrassment and heartache.

Very recently both of our mobile phones were the target of one of the latest scams.  Our phones rung once and then the caller hung up.  The missed call had a number displayed and said it was from Cuba.  Cuba?  Obviously we don't know anyone there and did not call them back.  Maybe my rich Nigerian uncle that passed away recently moved to Cuba?

Look out for that Cuba number!

A quick Google search told us that it was indeed a scam, and when you call back you stay on hold, and somehow it charges your phone account.  Tricky - I can imagine that people fall for it, curious to find out who they know in Cuba.  Even worse if you know someone that lives or travels there.

The scams are many.  Even though we are on the 'do not call list', we still get the odd phone call through to our landline.  The most common calls are the ones from 'Microsoft' telling us that they are getting an alert about a problem with our computer, or the one from the insurance company following up on an accident that someone in our household has had.  We get that one at work too, and have a lot of fun with it.

Watch out for scams!

If I have time at work and need a laugh, I will start to string them along, asking for more information about who had the accident and when.  Obviously I am very concerned, as there has definitely been an accident in the car, but no one will own up to it and I really want to get to the bottom of it.  They ask me for the name, I say that they must have it on file as they called me - or a date - or a police report - or something.  If you remain calm, ask logical questions, and appear like you are trying to help them, I can attest to the fact that they get flustered and hang up.  Quite often we get another call shortly after, saying the same thing.  I am usually extremely glad that they called up as I had been discussing it with one of their colleagues and been cut off, and I really, really want to get to the bottom of it.  And again we are cut off for some reason.  It's fun and a nice break from my work, and it keeps the scammers tied up.  Sometimes my co-workers ask to have a turn, and I transfer the call to them. This is tricky though, because if the scammers catch on that you are a business, they hang up, which is no fun at all.

"Oh yes, someone has had an accident."

Shawn has a much different approach when we get these calls at home.  He has perfected the loud whistle - it's ear piercing and will ring in your ears for half an hour if you are close to him.  As I hand the phone over to him, he let's loose.  It really must hurt their ears if they have headphones on.  After one such response, the scammer must have been mightily pissed off, because he called back and hung up about 10 times.  Ha ha, got under your skin, did we?!  Unfortunately, Manu is usually collateral damage and gets freaked out and runs away and hides in the bathroom.  It takes a lot of coaxing to get him out again, so it's not a perfect strategy.  But still, you have to weigh up the pros and cons.

Another tactic employed by my husband is to have a little discussion with them.  His first question is usually 'Do you have a mother?' and the next is 'What would you think if someone scammed her like you are trying to do to people?'  Usually the scammer hangs up, but we have had them call back insisting that it isn't a scam.  Nice try, buddy.

Some cats aren't to be trusted.

I have tried all sorts of things, like putting the phone up to the dog who is panting, putting the phone down and walking away to continue on with whatever I was doing, or making enough non-committal sounds to keep them on the line.

I don't seem to get a lot of fake friend requests on Facebook (is it the cat picture in my profile - do scammers not like crazy old cat ladies?), but Shawn gets the odd scantily dressed woman trying to friend him.  I do get emails from Russian ladies that think I'm lovely and sexy and the strong man that they are looking for.  Do people really think those emails are legitimate?  They must, or the scammers wouldn't do it.

The scams that scare me are the emails that come through from banks, the tax office etc.  Years ago, you could pick the scam right away as there were mis-spelled words and grammatical errors.  But they are getting more and more clever, and it's often almost impossible to tell that it's not from your financial institution.

"There appears to be a problem with your computer."

There are scams selling puppies that don't exist and hairless cats that are just shaved regular cats, scams praying on people's loneliness, scams taking advantage of kind hearts and scams trying to play a long game and take every penny you have until they've bled you dry.

Just remember, never, ever give out personal information on an email and try and be cynical.  There are way too many people trying to part you from your money. 

I can do that on my own, thank you very much.  I don't need any help.

Woof! Year of the Dog

In the Chinese calendar, 2018 is the Year of the Dog - the Year of the Earth Dog to be exact.

Bonus - I've got two of those suckers in my house, so that must mean it's going to be a great year, right?  The Year of the Dog arrived in February - I hope you were paying attention.

That's a lot of good fortune.



The Earth Dog is a balance of yin and yang, male and female, so we've got that covered in our house.  The Chinese believe that if a dog comes into your house, it symbolises coming of fortune.  Let me tell  you, not only have we got two dogs, but we've been dog-sitting another, and after he leaves, I have ANOTHER one coming to stay.  The fortune is going to be spilling out of this house like a glorious waterfall during the rainy season.  Look out, you might drown in all of that fortune.

They have probably covered their butts though by saying 'fortune doesn't necessarily mean money'.  With my luck fortune means cellulite, and if so, I'm screwed.  Anyone want some dogs??

Earth Dog is also associated with the colour brown.  While both of my dogs are a golden buff/cream, they certainly turn their bedding brown because of their dust baths and love of lying in the dirt.  Close enough for comparison, I say.


2018 is also Mountain Dog Year - I tried to figure out how it could be both and got very confused - Confucious say....'you don't need to understand' - so I don't.  But it is also Mountain Dog Year - take my word for it - I googled it.  Apparently the mountains can block your way out.  Have you ever lived with two dogs, both over 50 kg each?  I live with two mountains and they block my way all the time. I have this Chinese New Year stuff covered.

Brown earth dog

So now we have Brown Earth Mountain Dog Year - it's working for me so far.

There are clear traits that come with being a Dog year.  Like our four-legged friends, this is a year of loyalty, friendliness, honesty and things being easy going.  That mostly sounds like Chamois and Manu. Unless you are a small fluffy dog, then Chamois' friendliness is classed more as disdain.  I think disdain is suited more to Year of the Cat.  There is no Year of the Cat....probably with good reason.  Can you imagine?

This is why there is no Year of the Cat

In honour of the Year of the Dog, let's look at some fun doggie facts, just because we can.

• Labradors are the most popular breed in the world.  I can attest to that - I have one (temporarily) in my house right now.


• Dogs have about the same intelligence level as a two year old.  As with all rules, some of my dogs have been the exception, and not in the good way.  Chamois plots and manipulates like a three year old.  Manu eats poo.

  

  Smart doggie

• They do know you are coming home and will wait for you at the gate or door.  Their hearing is four times that of humans, and can hear your car coming.  Their sense of smell is also 10,000 - 100,000 times better than ours (depending on the breed) and they can probably smell you before they hear you.  Maybe that's why my husband farts so much - he's sending a secret code to the dogs?


• Each nose print is as individual as a finger print.  That give me little solace as Chamois shoves her nose into everyone's crotch as a greeting.

  

  Chamois' soul mate

• In ancient Egypt, when your dog died, you shaved off your eyebrows, smeared mud in your hair and mourned aloud for days.  Sounds like a fun Saturday night....


• Dog's shoulder blades are not attached to the rest of their body to allow for better flexibility when running.  And licking themselves.


• A person standing still 300 yards away is almost invisible to a dog. But a dog can easily identify its owner standing a mile away if the owner is waving his arms. Not that he'll come to you - he has better things to do.
  
  
  
  
  
  

Happy Year of the Dog to all of the dogs and all of the dog lovers out there.

My husband is really looking forward to next year, the Year of the Pig.  Ooo, I wonder if I can get a pet pig in celebration?!

Happy 2019!

Friday Follies - Straight to the Moon!

I was driving to work this week when I heard about Elon Musk's latest endeavour - sending one of his cars, complete with spaceman mannequin, into space. Not only is it in space, they say it can possibly be orbiting between Earth and Mars for thousands of years. It's true!  In fact, they estimate that if all goes well and it doesn't blow up first, it could be in space for several hundred million years.  Unfortunately, it has not gone quite as planned. It overshot its trajectory and may last less than a year due to asteroids and radiation.  Still....good effort!!

Lift off!

Personally,I think someone has WAY too much disposable income, but hey, no one can say that he doesn't dream big....or creatively!  And he has facilitated a lot of scientific advances.

As I drove like on auto-pilot, my mind wandered when I heard this story.  And it wandered to a placed that wondered.  And it wondered, "What would I like to send into space for several hundred million years."

Here is my small, but not complete list. (Disclaimer - this list does not include obvious things like pestilence and poverty, abusers and killers.  Those things are no-brainers.)

Artists rendition of my thighs

1  My thighs.  Let's be honest - they aren't great.  They never were.  My family genetics destined it to be so.  They are sturdy and keep my bum off the ground, as Grandma used to say, but they ain't pretty.  They wobble where they shouldn't, and although dimples are cute on little cherubs of babies, they aren't cute on my lower appendages.  I would like to send those jiggly suckers up into space.  Let's not think this through too much though, because if I got rid of them, I'd have to walk on my bum, which would mean that my nose would be at everyone's bum height.  No thank you.

My acquaintances

2  Peri-menopause.  It can fly off into space.  Good riddance, I say.  And take your hot flashes, sleeplessness, anxiety and mood changes with you.  As for what you are doing to my body, see point #1.

Pardon the language

3  Slow walkers in the grocery store.  Hello people, the point is to get in and get out, not stand in the middle of the aisles with your trolley having a conversation with someone in person or on your phone.  Move over, get out of the way and let me by.  I try and be polite and stand there patiently, hoping you will see me, then I utter a quiet 'excuse me', hoping that you will acknowledge that you make a better wall than a door.  Please don't look annoyed when I finally start pushing past with a more firm 'Excuse Me' escaping my lips.  See point #2 for my tolerance levels.

It's them

4  Loud Chewers, Pen Clickers and Finger Tappers.  All of you are firing up my misophonia and I don't like it.

It's so much nicer than the one-finger wave.

5  People who don't wave a 'thank you' when you let them in while driving.  I was just doing something nice and courteous.  Don't be so rude.  People who don't say 'thank you' when you hold a door open for you are in the same category.

6  One-Uppers.  Those people that can take any subject that you, your friend or your work colleague is talking about and 'one-up' it.  They have done everything first, or better, or more often, or crazier.  Even if they haven't done something, they find a way to turn it around to them.  Well guess what, if you go off into space on Elon Musk's rocket and orbit for several hundred million years, you can one-up everyone on Planet Earth. 

7  Complainers.  They are in the same box as the one-uppers as far as I'm concerned.  Always complaining and moaning about something.  Positivity does not come naturally to them and they drag everyone else down with their constant negative comments and judgements.  Life isn't that bad or horrible, I'm not sure how moaning about everything makes you feel better.  Complain about the never-ending journey of your orbit in space please.

8  My need to have things in even or logical numbers.  It will kill me to not have a list of 10 things, so I'm going to put 8.  Who on earth writes a 'Top 8' list.  Well, I do.  It is killing me though. When this goes up into space, it better make an even number of orbits or be able to be divided by 5.

Clearly, we will need a very big spaceship to put all of these things into space.  They will at least be in interesting company - click here to see some truly strange things that have been sent into space.

None of this matters though because nothing can be cooler than a red, sporty car with a spaceman actually rocketing through space.

It is actually really cool