Was That on Purpose?

Do you ever feel like there is a plot to end your life?

I'll admit to being a bit suspicious last night.  Granted, I have cats, so I'm used to these sorts of plots. As anyone with cats know, one glance at their face tells you that they do indeed plot to do evil deeds.

This is the usual scenario.

It's not often though that I have these unsettling thoughts about my dogs.  I mean, dogs are pretty transparent. You know what they are feeling and when - they aren't what you would call a deep brook.

Nothing devious going on in that head.

Last night caused me to consider a shift in my attitude.

Surprisingly, as I do every night, I went to bed.  I'm crazy and wreckless, I know.  And, as happens almost every night, Chamois came in at about 10:30 to ask to go outside.  It doesn't matter if we make her go out prior to bed time, she still wants to go out in the middle of the night.  Some say I should ignore her, but she's a big, big girl, and I really don't want to be cleaning up her mess.  She hasn't messed in the house since she was a puppy, and I'd like to keep it that way.  So if one of the dogs is insistent about going out, I do it.  The lesser of two evils.

Only plotting Santa's death...nothing to
see here.

In my dear girl walks, paws clicking on the floor, tail wagging and hitting every wall and bit of furniture on the way in, and she sticks her nose right into the middle of my face with the gentlest of licks.  I'm so used to this scenario that I barely wake up as I fling back the sheets to walk to the front door.

Her tail picks up its tempo as she realises that I was responding.  She trots past me and towards the front door, with me following like an obedient slave.  And then on my next step - bam - death (or at least maiming) was imminent.

Suffocation attempt

Unbeknownst to me, laying at the step outside our bedroom, was another large canine.  Fast asleep and spread out, he was invisible to me in the dark and with my sleep-laden eyes.  You know that reaction that you get when you sense that you're about to step on one of your pets and you try not to - at all costs.  It's instinctual. 

Purrkins working on his suffocation technique.

That instinct kicked in, and before I was even aware of what was happening, I stopped my foot from stepping down and squashing the big yellow dog, but my momentum hadn't caught up, so I was still moving forward.  Without a foot to land on, I stumbled and bumbled, fortunately grabbing the back of a chair just in time.  One foot landed on its side, the other struggled to gain balance, but I didn't fall.  Apparently I didn't disturb Manu much either, as he raised his head, saw that there was nothing to see, and dropped his had back down with a groan.

Clawde having murderous thoughts.

Did they plan it?  Were they disappointed that I lived to tell another day?  As far as I could see, Chamois was still wagging her tail while she waited patiently at the door.  Manu is too good a boy and eager to please - he would never want to harm me.  Chamois - I'm not so sure. 

Without me in the picture, she can spoon Shawn to her heart's delight.  I'm going to keep believing that some part of her does love me, and that she doesn't plot against me on a regular basis.  She does seem to be in my way a lot though.

Even the monkeys plot my death.

And speaking of laying in the middle of my path or directly behind me, let's not get onto the subject of the cats.  They are plotting my death.  I'm sure of it.