Nice Work if You Can Get It

If your pet had a job (like a human job, not their normal job of eating all of your food and shedding on your furniture), what would it be?

I saw this recently on an animal rescue facebook page.  Hmmmm, what jobs would my pets have?

It's an interesting question, and one I pondered over.  I took into account their individual talents and characters as well as their daily behaviours.

The easiest one was Purrkins - I had him figured out faster than Trump can insult half the nations of the world and faster than a Kardashian can take a selfie.

I told you, carry a piece of paper!

Public Service would be exactly the sector that Purrkins would aspire too.  He tries to give the impression that he does a lot of things during the day, but he's really quite lazy and enjoys a nap.  Many naps.  His modus operandi would be to walk around with a piece of paper in his hand so that everyone had the impression that he was busy (but of course he has no opposable thumbs to hold paper, so he just walks back and forth between rooms, announcing his presence).  He would fight to the death to maintain his right to have a pay increase every year, confident in the knowledge that his job is safe and he's a lifer.

Now Clawde, my dear Clawde, would be on the opposite end of the spectrum.  Social work would be his calling, looking for opportunities to greet others, make them feel comfortable and loved, and look out for their welfare.  Face kisses for dogs, dead rodent gifts for his owners, grooming sessions for other cats - he would be in his element.  He is a sensitive soul though, and it may all be a bit too much for him.  Perhaps a Walmart greeter (after all, he doesn't wear pants so he'll fit right in) is more suitable?  If none of those careers appeal, he may be qualified to be a superhero.  He has survived more venomous snake bites than any pet I know.

Are those pants?

And then we have Miss Chamois.  It took me awhile, but I think that the best position for her would be Headmistress at an exclusive boarding school.  I know, it sounds a bit off the wall, but stick with me.  Chamois has very definite ideas of how things should be and how others should act.  She is not against using her size to bully another into behaving, and she is very bossy.  If she isn't the centre of attention, she'll make sure that she takes measures to put herself back into the spotlight.  Her age and arthritis are making her more matronly by the year.  However, as all good disciplinarians do, she seasons her bluntness with a large pinch of affection and a liberal sprinkling of humour.  And as anyone who has ever watched a TV show or movie knows, Headmistresses are never beautiful, but always 'interesting' looking.  Chamois is definitely 'interesting' looking.

"Detention for you!"

Manu....poor Manu - gorgeous and sweet, but not very bright.  Model? No. Accountant?  I don't think so.  Perhaps a food critic?  Not with his faecal tastes.  Ah, I have it....an inspector.  Manu loves to sniff and check out everything from a coat hanger to your socks to whatever you're bringing home from the store.  He'll sniff everything from the remote to your breath - he must check everything out.  I think he would make a fine inspector - he's nothing if not thorough.

The chickens are easy.  Harvey  Henbanger is a Sultan and the hens are his harem.  Sesame is First Wife, without a doubt.

I cannot write this without mentioning my parents' cat, Archie.  If you read my previous blog about this crazy kitten, you'll know what a naughty cat he is.  Archie can only have one job - he'd be in demolition.  So far he has all of his digits, but he'd be one of those wild-eyed crazy guys that likes blowing things up a little bit too much.  Eventually he'd lose a foot or an eye.

Oh, Archie!

I wish all of these lazy fur-butts would get jobs so that they could support me for a change.  I'm sick of working for them.  At least Clawde is grateful.

They all have this exceptional skill.